Have I seriously not posted since Feb. 3rd? AGH. I can't keep up with my life. It is SO nuts, it feels like I am stuck on fast forward sometimes, and other times like I am stuck on Pause.

Okay...Valentine's Day was pretty simple. We didn't buy eachother presents as we were trying to save up money. Instead on our spare the next day we went to Shopper's and bought 50% off chocolate mmm lol. Chris bought me little mini daffodils but they died after awhile. Uhm, we went to see the penguins in the Underground Caverns at W.E.M. for our...10 month anniversary (I planned that one) and after we went to Olive Garden.

Okay...I am going to try to catch up on the big drama thing with our whole group. Basically, since the beginning of this year, things have been different between us and Nicole. She has those other friends, like Roxanne and Becky and more and more often she would hang out with them rather than us. So anyway...at Christmastime there was a "gift exchange" at Bing's. Mei planned it, she wanted to try to get the 5 of us together again (plus the boyfriends & Kaytlyn) and so she didn't invited Angela and Meggy (chris's little sis) and stuff. Fine by me, I am not that close with Angela and Meggy isn't EXACTLY one of the gang. Plus, Mei planned it, she gets to pick who to invite. Anyway...Nicole couldn't make it as she had to babysit afterschool, so that kind of sucked but hey. Jessica was kinda pissed because Angela & Meggy weren't invited, but suck it up princess. You didn't plan it. So anyway, Kaytlyn or Jessica 1/2 way through phones Nicole to see if maybe she can come after, and then they tell everyone else that she can't come because her mom is yelling at her and stuff. So, fine. Thinking nothing of it. We go skating after, Meagan can't come but yeah.

So the big drama from this comes a few days later when I get back from my Jasper trip and spend December 28th (Mei's 17th birthday) at night with her and Shane and Chris at BP's, and then Shane's house. We are the only ones that bothered to show up for her birthday! Strange, huh. Meagan is still skiing in BC then. And then it turns out Jessica didn't even bother to call Mei on her birthday. Maybe she really DID get too busy...but still no call the next day either. Hmm. So things get a little weird and on New Year's Eve then we go to Meagan's and Mei ignores Jessica and stuff and I don't really make that big of an effort to make conversation with her (not completely on purpose, she wasn't trying all that hard with me either) and so yeah, we stay 'til about 1.00 am. Anyway...somewhere along the lines after that I go on MSN and Nicole & Jessica are on. Hmm, interesting. Well I deleted it off Microsoft Word in case Mom finds it, but I printed it off and it's in my drawer. Basically, Nicole starts talking to me and I ask her how her New Year's went and stuff and she says fine and then suddenly she jumps into "so I hear Mei is mad at Jessica for not phoning her on her birthday". Oh Nicole. You just can't helping sticking your nose into other people's business can you. So I simply state the facts as they were, and I try to drop the subject as Nicole LOVES to pick fights. But she won't let it go, and suddenly she is turning this into a fight between us, about how we LEFT HER OUT AT THE GIFT EXCHANGE. She says something along the lines of "Oh and thanks for leaving me out at the gift exchange." PARDON ME? Agh...I am going to try to just tell the story & not rant, it's hard though lol. Anyway, worst times of all times, dad starts screaming at me to get upstairs and god I just want to  Oh, she also told me Jessica allowed her to talk to me about this. OHHH REALLY. How weak can you get little Jessica, getting someone else to fight your fights.

So, somewhere along the lines after that I catch Jessica online and she doesn't say much and doesn't bring anything up and I am so sick of it. She just caused a fight between me and Nicole and she won't even bring the topic up. Jeesus christ. So I do. I ask her if there is anything she wants to say to me and so it begins. And you know what she tells me? That she had a bunch of CHORES to do in the morning, then had to go to WORK early and worked until 11.00 and it just totally slipped her mind. I could ALMOST forgive her at that point, although I would expect some serious apologizing if I were in Mei's situation. Hello, you don't just forget one of your best friend's birthdays and not even apologize! But she goes on to say that sorry if she has more important priorities like work and money and school right now. Whoa...excuse me BITCH, but nothing is more important than friendship, to people with any sense of loyalty, friendship, or morals. I cannot believe she said that. And she  says she doesn't feel like she has to apologize to Mei. I am PRETTY SURE if the situation was reversed and we forgot all about HER birthday she wouldn't just go on like nothing happened and be all cool. No no no...

So anyway, that is basically what happened, and although once in awhile I still try to make conversation with Jessica (that friendship is pretty much dead. She is very much caught up in making friends and being cool, and drinking at parties now that she's gotten drunk for the 1st time) I still haven't spoken ONE word to Nicole since Christmas Break. Honestly, I don't feel like it's that big of a loss. I really do miss our friendship sometimes, I mean we were besties for awhile there (there's me and my serial friendshipness at work again) but honestly, the drama that comes with her, and the hypocrisy and everything just isn't worth it. Once in awhile I hear stuff from Meagan about her (Meagan chose to stay neutral, although she's told us more than once that she knows we are right about this, and Nicole was in the wrong) that she misses her old friends and that the people she is friends with now can't compare to the best friends she used to have. Serves her right. I hope she is missing us. Honestly, i NEVER get in fights with my friends. Once in awhile, it will inevitably happen, but I don't start them. Ever. I just don't go around seeking trouble with the people I love. I don't give up on people either...I still miss them and wish it could be how it used to be, but when people start a fight with me like that, or they prove they aren't worthy of my time and effort & loyalty...I will stick with the people who are. Especially people who delete me off their friend's lists on nexopia. (Nicole).

So yes...that was the friendship drama, and basically Me, Mei, and Meagan went for a Girls Day Out on March 17th, minus the 2 who were there last year. It was a little quieter and such and it kinda sucked that it wasn't the 5 and I miss that...but it can't be like that anymore. Too much baggage has happened for EVERYONE to get over it. And we all have changed a lot.

Chris and me are doing...well, we are in a struggle right now. We have been for awhile. It's hard to admit, but neither of us want to give up and I hope that is what saves us. Because I don't want to let him go, not right now...I hope never. We fight a lot. Just the other night we got in a BIG one. Ironically enough, it involved Nicole, and he just said the wrong thing. It started with me telling him she was invited to Meagan's big 18th birthday in April (I can't wait) and then he started saying stuff about how he's gonna talk to her and stuff and I started getting a little ticked at his nonchalant attitude but I didn't say anything, and then he asked if I was gonna talk to her and I said of course not...and then he just took it too far and started saying stuff about how he's not one to give up on his friend's (like I am!!) and that he was just trying to help us be the 5 again...fuck...THINK before you speak. I told him, through my tears, SORRY if I don't make an effort with someone who has deleted me off their friend's list, does he not remember that she started the whole fucking fight in the 1st place? I even printed off the damn convo's in the 1st place to show him. Ugh...and I hate it because he never thinks he's wrong. Even then he said "sorry, I GUESS" And the other day at the mall we got a flat tire and he phoned his dad and I was trying to figure out what his dad was gonna do and I guess I asked too many questions cause he started yelling at me and so I just walked away. He doesn't need to yell at me. And yet, there he goes again, he didn't think he did anything wrong by yelling at me. Are you thick in the head? He thought that it was just fine to yell at your girlfriend because "it was the only way to make you listen". Get it together, that is NOT the only way to make me listen. That is the way to piss me the fuck off. There is NO need to raise your voice when I am just asking you questions. If you get frustrated (he has a short temper and a stubborn thick skull), you take a breath, and find another way to get through to me. I am not gonna tolerate you raising your voice at me for no reason. ANyway, just stuff like that.

It was our 1 year anniversary on Thursday, March 22nd (it was also Dad's birthday, my piano lesson, a big unit exam in social, and I went for my driver's license). I got a PERFECT SCORE on my license, no demerits! hehhe. Anyway, the next day we celebrated together as there just wasn't time on the 22nd. We went mini-golfing, and were SUPPOSED to see a movie but that was when we got the flat-tire and his dad had to pick us up and drive back to his house because it wasn't fixable just then. We took another vehicle back in for our dinner's reservations at 7.30 at Sorrentino's. Beautiful restaurant. Anyway, at his house we exchange gifts and I finally gave him the scrapbook I had been working on since September (now March) that I poured my love and soul and frustration at times into. Oh, and also about $300 when i DON'T HAVE A JOB. In return he gave me: A musical card and a stuffed penguin. How...nice. Really sweetie, you outdid yourself. Yes, yes...sentimental value. Plus he had "Mumble" on order from Build-A-Bear Workshop (the penguin off "Happy Feet"). Oh my god how many penguins do I need. Why do I need TWO in 1 occassion? Isn't that a bit overkill? He was an adorable penguin, there is no arguing that, and I am excited to receive my OTHER one on Wednesday this week...but honestly Chris...I was expecting something  a little more...this from the boy who bought me a gorgeous heart necklace on my birthday. And after pouring in 6 months of time and at least $300 into his present...I get...2 stuffed penguins? Not even 2 different gifts? I hate how that sounds greedy, it isn't meant to...but I just expected more from the boy who works all the time and has money...while I don't. And I kinda edged our conversation that way last night on the phone and he immediately got defensive about how he bought me an expensive necklace and I didn't spend near that much in the past on him. Maybe not, but at least I gave him unique and individual gifts, and lately I have been matching if not outdoing his price and sentimental wise. He quote "wanted to get a sentimental gift this time". That's fine, get me the $17 penguin...but get me something that involves a little more effort than walking into a Hallmark and picking it out in 5 minutes. He said he was gonna get me the LOTR hardcover set...PERFECT. I would have loved that. And then he went on to say that they were $60 a piece...firstly, I find that hard to believe, probably more like $45 bucks a piece, and what's the big deal? Am I not worth the money on our ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY? I guess I just feel...unappreciated. I set myself up I guess...I poured so much into that scrapbook and it feels like I got nothing in return for it. I set myself up...how was he supposed to top that scrapbook. Maybe I should have kept it for myself and went out and bought him a card and a stuffed penguin for our 1 year. Happy anniversary sweetie, I spent 1/4 of my biweekly paycheque and 10 minutes on your present. God do I sound bitter.

Anyway...so now that I have my license, not much has changed lol. I am hoping to buy a car by May but doubtful if that happens. I am going to try to work 2 jobs this summer, my VIC job on weekends and another on Monday-Thursday...I also want to volunteer once a week at the Zoo. I applied to Grant Mac about a month ago and am going into the Bachelor of Science program (most likely). It is a 2 year program and after that I go for another 2 years at the University. At the end, I am hoping to become something like a Biologist...I want to save the environment and the animals that are suffering because of humanities greed, irresponsibility, and complete ignorance. Big goals I know...I don't think I know what I am getting myself into.

Mei & Shane are in BC right now, for a week. I am so lonely without our daily convo's! Chris is busy with Justin for the next 2 days. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy they are spending time together again...but god...I feel so lonely. Probably only get to see him Wednesday and MAYBE Thursday this week (oh wow chris...how sweet of you...2 days out of spring break i get to see you) as he took someone's shift again on Saturday evening. Ugh.

Kristian got a job at the hospital she really likes, starting at $25 an hour, full-time permanent. That's what you get when you go into a trade. I am pretty jealous...it's not like THAT is gonna fall into my lap when I am done my degree. Anyway...I am sure I could find more to write about...but I better go phone the boyfriend...

michelle xx