So, it's been almost a year since I last wrote the daily happenings in my life. And if possible, I feel even more confused about who I am and where I am going. Let's see, I graduated from high school, that is a start. We wrote our diploma's and I finished with very good marks, 93 in Biology, 94 in English, 78 in Chemistry, and 84 in Social. Then Grad, my dress came, no problems. I tried it on, and it was perfect. Only problem, Mei bought a similar red dress. Ugh. What can you do, but turn it into something positive. So we were the "ladies in red". Grad was great, I made a whole photo album so those pictures will last forever. Took lots of pictures, had the photographer at the Legislature grounds, limo was great. Little mishaps occurred, my hair would NOT curl lol I should have just done it myself, probably could have done it just as good! But anyway, never ended up sitting with Chris's family, not enough seats at the table as his brother & his girlfriend came. Oh well, I had fun with my family. Then I actually danced a good portion of the night! It was a lot of fun, went by way too fast for how much effort & plans I put into it. Of course. It was a little sad, but I didn't cry. The saddest part would have to be leaving my comfort zone, and more importantly, the teachers. I will miss Dr. Nyberg so much, she was the greatest teacher I ever had. One day I will write her a letter, I hope, and tell her that. And Mr. Everitt, his classes were the most fun. It's invaluable to learn another language, and though it's kind of fading since I haven't been using/hearing it much in the last months, it's something I could pick up again quickly. And Mrs. Porter, who started my love for biology. Never a kinder person. So we were supposed to go to Safe Grad after, and the weather held all day for our pictures & everything so that was wonderful, but it started POURING at about midnight. Hardcore, soaked to the skin pouring within minutes. So the pitiful, wet class of 2007 huddled around the bonfire & bravely attempted to party it up at the Spruce Grove gun club. Lol.

I also completed Grade 8 in Piano. And in the last 8 months I think I have only touched the piano twice. It makes me sad, that I no longer have time for something I worked so hard at for 9 years of my life. The exam was terrifying as usual, they moved the piano to a different room than all the years I had been taking my exams, & that threw me off. The sound was different, & the keys were so hard to press down I struggled to pump out my dynamics. I managed a 78 on my exam, but I had practiced my songs so much and knew them so well I know it was just the exam that gave me that mark. When I played at my last recital before the exam, strangers came up to me to compliment me on my playing. Exams just make me nervous, and it affects my performance. I really hope to get back on the piano soon...it gives me mixed feelings because I am worried I have lost my touch. That when I play, mom & dad and whoever is listening (especially Dad) will say something rude, or not rude but, be let down. So I think the first few times I should be by myself.

The summer after grad I turned 18 on Friday the 13th. Since only a few people were 18 when I turned of age, we didn't have a very large group come to the bar. But I got up early in the morning and went horse-back riding with Chris, something I've been dying to do forever. It was great, my birthday was the hottest day of the year, 30 degrees celsius. I wish I knew how to ride better, especially when the horses went into a trot, as I was bouncing everywhere lol but I didn't mind keeping it at a walk. It takes some getting used to. It was funny, not many of the horses liked Chris's horse and my horse kept trying to turn around to bite the sucker. Then we went to Chris's and got ready for Harry Potter, since it came out on my birthday I made everyone dress up. I was Hermione, Chris was Draco, Meagan was Luna (or supposed to be), Mei was Cho Chang, Shane was Harry Potter, Ho Li was a random wizard, and Kaytlyn was...I can't remember..and Justin came too but he didn't dress up. Afterwards we went out for dinner at Earl's and I had my first legal drink. It was fun, and then Meagan & her bf (ex boyfriend now) Ho and me went to The Ranch. Strangely empty for a Friday night, but we had fun anyway, then went back to Spruce and hit the bar there, and then Stony for the Oldbar and Early Stage Saloon, where I completed my night after 2 more shots and a Long Island iced tea. Hahha...I had lots of fun, and was pretty much laughing the whole night, even when I threw up in the bushes of the church (didn't know it was one 'til after) and lay down on the sidewalk when my tummy hurt lol. Chris had already had his birthday, we wrote English diploma on his birthday & then he went out for lunch with some buddies and I went home a made him a picnic & he came over & I got him for myself for about an hour. Then he was off with his brother & his girlfriend to the stripper's and bar's. Everyone was wondering why he didn't come to the bar with me and I supposed it wouldn't have been a big deal but we both just felt since I didn't get to come with him on his 18th, (due to me not being 1 then he wouldn't come with me. Not that he would have held me back from anything, I dunno. It was just mutal all around and people had a hard time understanding that lol. Anyway, good birthday! The next day Chris & I went to Allan Beach and soaked up the sun.

Enjoyed the rest of the summer for the most part, worked at the Visitor Information Center again, and towards the end of the summer applied at Second Cup against my sister's wishes (as she worked there for so long before) and almost a month later they phoned me lol, and I started working there at the end of August. About 2 weeks before I started at Grant Mac, I finally bought a car. It took several frustrating outings with Dad, but I finally settled (and liked it though, not just settled) on a 2007 Nissan Versa, standard, black, and charcoal interior. Very pretty. Of course then came the dilemma of learning to drive a stick in a week & half for school. After much cursing, crying, and terror, I learned. In a week. So, I guess anything's possible.

So, now comes the biggest and scariest and sometimes I think worst, and other times good change. I started college. What a change. Nothing could have prepared me for the utter aloneless going from a graduating class of 350 to a college in downtown Edmonton. At least in high school, by grade 11 or so you know the faces in the halls and all the people you went to junior high with and your new group of friends and even the people you don't like. In college, I have been lucky so far as my best friend Mei goes there, as does a girl I knew from junior high & high school, and a few others from high school & I see them fairly often. And my first semester was pretty successful. Of course my marks dropped, but that didn't bug me that much for some reason, I guess because I heard so much about that. I even made a new friends or two all by myself. Admitted, one of them is a blooming schitzophrenic & the other talks about gay anal sex (that one is male) and draws penis's everywhere, but he's nice. The schitzophrenic I try to avoid. And another girl who is getting married this summer and trying to be a pharmacist, but I don't see her much anymore as she dropped some classes & is only taking a few a semester as she's too busy. I really, really, liked my Biology 107 teacher. And he was so cute. Not hot, but very nerdily cute. I took Statistics, Psychology, Biology, Chemistry, & English. Everything was fine, managed a B+ in Bio, A- in Psych, B+ in Stats, and probably have about an A or more in English (it runs all year). Chemistry I got a B-. Barely. Apparently the professor I got has been warned many a time about the difficulty of his exams, and gets in trouble all the time. What a horrible teacher. And Chem 101 already has a 50% dropout rate for it's difficulty level, we don't exactly need MORE difficulties, like in the tests.

This semester I am taking Bio again, Psych again, English, and unfortunately Chem. My teacher is much better in chem though. Biology isn't as interesting, more about like the era's of the past and classifying animals into Kingdoms & such but it's alright. I'm also not taking as many courses. I was in Computing Science, but it was so incredibly boring & difficult I dropped it. Then to my great brilliance, I realized there was method to my madness, as I need 6 credits in Maths to satisfy my degree! So next year I need to take either a computing science course (and stick with it) or a math course. And I hate math. Although I have less courses this semester, I am not trying much harder. And it makes me feel bad that I don't try harder. Not that I don't at all, but my habits from high school are sticking to me with a vengeance, and although they got me by high school great, I need to kick it up a notch to get even better grades in college. I don't talk much in my classes, thankfully Mei is in my English class all year, and I know a guy from my bio class last semester who is in my bio class this semester, but in Psych the schitzophrenic is in it and although she was sitting by me initially, her chair broke (act of God) and she now has to sit elsewhere. And she's so embarassing! Maybe it's due to her condition, but she constantly asks questions, and when the teacher tries to answer her, she interupts him & just keeps on talking and does this about 3 times before she shuts up & lets him talk. Ugh. And people snicker & I am embarrassed even though I don't really know her. Anyway. And in Chemistry I don't know anyone, I mean I recognize faces, but yeah. There is this one boy who is in my English class, Psych class AND Chem class but he is always surrounded by other girls and sits with them so I am too shy to try to sit by him because he seems very nice. Last semester Mei talked to him in English a bit as he was in our Chemistry class last semester and he was trying to get into being a doctor, so we call him doctor boy lol. Lame, I know. But I mean he's in all my classes but one, and that one is the same class I am taking just at another time. So it'd be great to be able to discuss homework. My labs are pretty good, Bio is good and Chem the prof assigned partners & I have a very smart partner thank god and he's nice & kinda cute but we don't talk all that much. I think I saw him with a girl in the hallway one time, but still he could talk a little more.

I am basically just trying to catch up on my life in this entry. Some days are great & I feel good about what I am doing and other days I start thinking about my future & what I want to do and I get so mixed up. I want to do something with the environment or animals, but I also want to pursue writing. And I want to travel..I just don't know where I am going to end up & it's kind of scary thinking about the future and just drawing a blank. I don't know what kind of career this degree is going to take me to, or if it even will. And I haven't really met any new good friends. I am sticking to what I know and I know I need to break out of my shell but it's really hard. And people aren't even that friendly. They stick with who they know to and rarely does someone sit by me and start a conversation. Is something wrong with me? I know I don't talk that much either to new people, cause I'm so freaking worried I'll come off wrong, but I didn't think college was going to be like this. Meagan started this semester as last semester she took off to go to Germany, France, and Italy. She's so much ruder as of late. I don't even want to open my mouth around her for what she might say back. Or maybe it's me. Maybe people act this way because of how I am. Last semester stressed me out quite a bit and it's really hard to keep things together. If i'm not busy with school I am still working at Second Cup, or attempting to see Chris at least once a week (which sometimes doesn't happen). And it's hard to keep things going there. The longer I am away from him the less my feelings feel like returning when I do get to see him. I don't know...I wish I didn't have the stresses of school, but without it where would I be? Working at a dead-end job. I try not to get down but I give in a lot to those feelings. High school opened me up, and it feels like college is closing me down. I feel so spirit-less some days, like I am a nobody amidst all those faces who are busy in their own world's. Very depressing of me I know. But I get through each day, and that's a relief.

Mom & dad are in Mexico right now and it's been a big pain to take care of Hunter, he's stressed a lot of the time & barking, but what can you do. I have to go study my brains out now, hope to write soon.

ps. it got to -48 with winchill last week when Mom & Dad left. Kristian's car broke, I had to drive her...mine barely went. A "when I was young" story! lol